A recently hired intern at Austin’s Commission on Immigrant Affairs is making waves with her process improvement recommendations involving the handling of Austin’s illegal immigrants.
“I came here to make the changes I want to see in the world,” says new intern Stefani Miller. “For example, today in Austin, when illegal immigrant families are taken into custody, they are all jammed in close together and often get sick and tired of being so close to each other. I proposed a new initiative where we relieve the parents of this stress by separating out and relocating their immigrant children to a separate camp. It would be like a Camp R.A.T.T… except for immigrant kids…we could also do this with Jewish families.”
When we informed Stefani that Jewish citizens are not considered illegal immigrants, she got visibly upset.
“Stop talking semantics! In order for Austin to be fair and transparent, we need to treat all of our Jewish brothers and sisters with the same level of respect as we do to our illegal immigrant amigos. In fact, I think it may help the city to issue all of them colorful and bright patches to wear so that everyone knows that they have a special place in Austin’s heart.”
Stefani Miller is completely new to the Austin political scene. No one knows how she got the internship and she has not revealed any information on her past work or education experience. It’s almost as if she just magically appeared out of nowhere. When asked about her past, she again got visibly upset and then accused us of being intolerant towards minority females such as herself.
“See, now what kind of question is that?! What are you fake news? As a young, proud, black woman, I find it disgusting and abhorrent that you ask me about my background. Verlasse mein Büro!!!! I mean…get out of my office! Sorry about that, you see I also minored in German at the typical historically-black college that I attended.”
We can’t put our finger on it, but there is something very familiar about Stefani, almost as if we have seen and heard her before.